From Kenneth Braswell, Executive Director, Fathers Incorporated

Hello Beloved Brother,

My name is Kenneth Braswell, Executive Director of Fathers Incorporated. My work for the last 23 years has been in business and not-for-profit leadership on behalf of vulnerable communities and Black men and boys. Today, I read with pain, excitement, angst, horror, delight, fear, concern, and urgency about what is being described as your open letter to your father (http://instagram.com/p/knuBWwCTPf/). One might wonder how I could experience ALL of these emotions after reading a short post about an absent father. 

It’s because, well, I am you, I was you, and I see young and mature men like us everyday that too often express there issues with their fathers in unhealthy ways. I want you to know that I both understand and empathize with how you feel and the need to express your triumph over an obstacle that you perceive is responsible for the struggles you’ve had in life. Like you, I am a Black man who’s pent-up rage for my absent father drove me to do what I believed to be the right thing, for the right reason, and with the right justification. What I’ve learned, however, is that it was ALL wrong.

All over this country, Black males are looking at, following, and emulating every move you make, because you are a model of hard work and success who encapsulates a pattern and process they can follow to achieve their own goals and success. Many of these same males have come to know a world where the man responsible for their existence (their fathers) did not contribute to their lives in the way they needed, desired, or deserved.  This is the reason I am writing you an open letter about your Instagram post–I believe that your brave disclosure can bring you and others closer to understanding, forgiveness, and healing of this fatherless pain and anger. This is my prayer and heartfelt desire.

If you’re like many of my friends and family you’re probably saying to yourself, “Whatever,” or, ‘Shut the $&#% up; you don’t know what you’re talking about!” That’s cool, because I said the same thing most of my life. In fact, about five months ago, I was completing a documentary called “Spit’in Anger: Venom of A Fatherless Son.” During the filming I interviewed Iyanla Vanzant, Dr.Jeff Gardere, Terrie Williams, Judge Mablean, Dr. Jeffery Shears, and even spoke to former MLB All-Star, Gary Sheffield. All the people I thought would help me tell this story of why Black men and boys harbor so much pain and anger as a result of father absence.

With your patience, allow me tell you a few important things I learned:

1. Projecting anger out is what we men often do when we aren’t shown how to constructively release our anger.
2. Anger and its negatives effects are not mutually exclusive; it is cumulative and increases exponentially, as does its negative, destructive consequences.  We are hurting the people we love and ourselves by not addressing our anger.
3. Healing and appropriately releasing our anger can be difficult, but it is not impossible.

But, here is the biggest lesson I learned: The more anger towards the past we carry in our hearts, the less capable we are of loving in the present, so it is essential that fatherless sons are supported in multiple ways to address our pain and anger appropriately, and grow-up to be positive role models for all children.

Like you, I have a awesome mother, children and believe in the Word of GOD. As such, we are obligated to teach our children and model for them righteous behavior and morals, like forgiveness (which doesn’t necessarily mean establishing or entering back into a relationship that is one-sided or unsafe).  It means teaching them that they will never be their best selves or offer the world their best based on the hatred of another, especially not our fathers.

I get it. Every now and then, I had to tell the world I was ok and that my father was insignificant in my life in order to suppress the fact that his absence was extremely significant in my life. I have a five-year-old son who is very fortunate given the statistics. He has had the pleasure of living his entire life with his married mother and father. Something I’d often wish for myself. Knowing what I know about my own hatred for my dad, I could never say to him that my success was fuel by my hatred for his grandfather. I did, but can’t anymore. We must always teach our boys and girls from a position of love, not distain, disgust or devaluing of another. We have all fallen short at one time or another of our potential. Too often for our Black boys; our disappoint have come at the hands of their fathers. But that doesn’t give us a blanket opportunity to hate based on information we DON’T have. You said it yourself, “I don’t know him.”

I can only ask of you to understand and possibly talk to someone that can share with you what forgiveness can do for your own elevation and continued success. Our boys are watching. Please make sure that the message you send to them isn’t one that starts with, “forget your father, look at me, I’m successful without him.” Forgiveness gives the benefit of understanding and closure.

Sincerely;

Just a concerned Brother

Kenneth Braswell

Dr. Jeffery Gardere, Iyanla Vanzant, Terrie Williams and Judge Mablean Ephraim serve as subject matter experts

On February 6, “SPIT’IN ANGER: Venom of a Fatherless Son” will premiere at the Spectrum Theater in Albany, New York…The film addresses the underlying issue of anger that dwells in young black males as a result of not having a nurturing relationship with their fathers.

The American “family” has changed.  Nonmarital births, divorce, single parents, and blended living situations have resulted in too many families without fathers.  Today, as many as two in three children are growing up in homes without their fathers. The absence of fathers from the lives of their children and the weakened ties of commitment between father and son is a central cause of many of our worst individual and societal problems, such as, juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and violence.  All of these social ills are related to father absence and the anger it produces in our boys.

But, we all know the statistics and poor outcomes related to father absence.  We see “the numbers” repeatedly, and perhaps this has fed the apathy around a trend that, literally, qualifies as a national crisis.  To be sure, while research, books, videos, and blogs about the effects of father absence abound, none are as authentic, inspirational, or heartfelt as the documentary, “Spit’in Anger: Venom of a Fatherless Son.” Unconventional, yet truly transformational, the movie’s raw narrative told by Kenneth Braswell, one of the nation’s premier promoters of responsible fatherhood and expert interviews with Dr. Jeffery Gardere, Iyanla Vanzant, Terrie Williams, Judge Mablean Ephriam, Gary Sheffield and Dr. Jeffrey Shears… reveals how anger is a consequence of growing up without a father and raises the awareness and urgency of healing the all too common trend of father absence.

Through the authentic telling of his story, we are able to journey with Braswell as he discovers and becomes aware of his rage, wrestles with his resistance to forgive his father, and awakens to how his deep-rooted father pain continues to navigate his life.  You will feel the emotion – the rejection, the raw anger, and the haunting hunger for his father–the feelings so deeply familiar and intricately woven into the psyche of the fatherless.

Braswell has spent his entire career fighting for children to have something he never did-connected, loving, involved fathers.  In his emotional and at times shocking admissions, Braswell ultimately tells a story of forgiveness and hope, but as he says in the film, it is not his story; it is our story.  If you had a physically or emotionally absent father, an abusive father, a deceased father; if you have or know one of the 20 million children with a detached father; if you want to help fathers be responsible and stay connected to the children they gave life to-your stories of pain, transformation, and inspiration are in this movie.

Braswell’s goal in producing Spit’in Anger is to initiate critical conversations about the importance of fathers and to create spaces for men and boys to talk about their anger and pain, but ultimately to heal.  Further demonstration of Braswell’s commitment to healing father absence can be found in the Spit’in Anger Guided Workbook he developed.  Braswell does not want the discussion to stop with the film.  He hopes the documentary and workbook will spark the formation of men’s groups, ministries, and other safe places and opportunities for men to heal.

The film is also scheduled to be shown in New York City, Washington DC, Greensboro and Raleigh NC, Jackson MS, Philadelphia PA, Memphis TN, and Charleston SC. Additional information about Kenneth Braswell and Spit’in Anger can be found at: www.spitinanger.com orwww.fathersincorporated.com.